You’re not in trouble...
If I had to guess, this headline drew you in because you relate. You’re the friend who is constantly concerned someone is mad at you. Or maybe, you’re the partner who changes their behavior to avoid upsetting their spouse. At worst, you stay in bad relationships, in a terrible job, or in shitty situations because you feel afraid to break the status quo and create “trouble.”
The truth is that women who cause trouble change the world and for the most part, people aren’t keen on change. Women who stand their ground, speak up, and call out BS are not well liked. There’s no denying that you will alienate people, you will make enemies and you will be pushed to your growth edge. Especially if you aren’t used to doing this, you’re going to be UNCOMFY. Your nervous system will say, “danger!”
Once you realize that the uncomfortable part is worth the outcome, and that you’re not being chased by a tiger, it will become inconsequential. Your brain and body will learn that it’s safe to be boldly, unapologetically, authentic. It takes time and intentionality to rewire the nervous system, especially in these moments, but it is absolutely possible. Where you were once grieving lost relationships due to setting firm boundaries, you will instead be finding other people who are more aligned with your values and who give you energy, rather than draining you. Or, your relationships will deepen, because you respect yourself, and so others more outwardly respect you. You’ll be feeling confident in who you are and the decisions you make, so other people’s opinions will matter less. You’ll feel less panic in conflict and better able to express yourself directly and clearly.
There are some specific tools we can use in 1:1 coaching sessions, and with hypnosis, to move you past this old mindset and into an uplevel in your self-esteem. You can also start practicing and building your tolerance to the discomfort now, especially with little steps. Try telling the barista how to actually spell your name when they get it wrong. Tell your mom you love her, and if she keeps bringing up politics, you’re not coming to dinner. Say no and allow it to be a full sentence. Don’t fill the silence with overexplainations and justifications.
The next time you feel in trouble, I invite you to ask yourself, “am I acting in alignment with my values?” If the answer is yes - and you’re not harming yourself or others - you cannot be in trouble with anyone who matters. You are safe.
